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For those of you that tuned in to see the ongoing accounts of Troy-San's trip to Japan, I'm sorry, but you'll have to come back later.

I attended my first Japanese funeral yesterday and would like to talk about it a little bit. I'm not sure how much or what to say, because a lot happened and my senses are still digesting all the stimuli.

So, a couple of days ago, Noriko's estranged uncle passed away. I never met the man (estranged) but apparently he'd been sick with cancer for some time. After the hospital called, J-Mom wanted to see him before he was removed to the morgue. Noriko and I took her to the hospital. We got there about an hour after he passed. He was only 43 but he looked like a man in his late sixties.

The next day, we met with some other members of the extended family and had a small wake for him. There were ten of us and this first consisted of going up to the closed container, bowing, lighting incense, ringing a bell, and bowing again. Next, they opened the refrigerated container and slid out the open-faced coffin. After that, in turn, and then as a group, we took flowers from a box and placed them around his head and body. In my life, so far, this is the most interaction I've had with a deceased person. Finally, J-Mom put a white cloth over his face and the workers put the lid on.

We then left in a four car convoy (the hearse and J-Mom were in the front) and headed to the crematory. This was a pretty large building and it appear to be made of granite. It sort of felt like a modern castle. Some workers unloaded the coffin and wheeled inside on a cart. We followed them to a long narrow room with a bay of doors lining one side. If anyone remembers when crew of the Enterprise launched Mr. Spock out of the airlocks for a funeral in space, this was the feeling I had. The elevator-like doors opened and the coffin was transferred some kind of rack and as the doors closed, we all bowed again. We then retired to a waiting room on the second floor. We had beverages and a couple of snacks. About an hour and a half later, we were called back downstairs.

We entered a sideroom and in the middle was huge cast-iron gurney. On top of it, was what I quickly determined to be the uncle's earthly remains. Two attendants came in and stood at each end. On one end was an urn and at the other was a container of hashi (chopsticks). In my state of taking the day's events in, it just occurred to me that this was the part I had only read about in guidebooks. The hashi-attendant handed out the chopsticks and we made two lines along opposite sides of the metal gurney that was still radiating immense heat. In pairs, each team would pick up a bone and place it into the urn. For clarity, that would be two people, four chopsticks, and one bone. Like I said earlier, I was already beyond my previous experiences with laying out several flowers around the body. Now, I was actually "handling" the remains. It was a humbling experience? I'm not sure if that's the right word, but it definitely causes one to think about one's place in the world.

When I first saw the remains and the bones and the chopsticks, my brain was a little slow to process what I've read about in guidebooks and connect that with what I was now faced with. I didn't know whether to stand back, under the guise that I'm not really family, or to get right in line. Finally, being last, I was paired up with J-Mom's cousin (Tokuji-san's and Tomoko-san's brother). He waited patiently while J-Mom called me over, "Jory-san! O-hashi! O-hashi!" The slight reluctance on my part was not that I didn't know what chopsticks were or what I was supposed to do with them. I quickly took my spot across from Shinji-san and looked down at the remains. Most of them were unrecognizable fragments but a few were still identifiable as ribs. I was more worried about "Which bone do I grab? Will I drop it? Will it be heavy?" than with the macabre side of things. Thankfully, Shinji-san picked out the bone and waited for me. I gingerly placed my o-hashi around it and together we dropped it in the urn.

After everyone had a turn, the attendant (the attendants were more dressed like bus drivers or tour guides than in the black three piece suits that I kind of expected) brushed the rest of the remains into the urn. He then produced a pestle and packed everything in a little tighter. He picked up the urn and walked over to another setting and placed it next to a couple of other bones that had been separated from the group. J-Mom, J-Pop, Noriko, and Tokuji-san followed him to the table. A couple of people completely vacated the room, Tomoko-san and two other ladies lingered by the door, and I just kind of stood halfway between the final goings on and the door. The attendant pointed out what the bones were and then placed them in the urn. The final piece was part of the cranium. After the lid was secure, the urn was wrapped in a cloth and then placed in a decorative box.

The cars were brought around front and we headed to dinner. I was still in a little shock from all of the new things I had seen. But to everyone else, it was just a normal funeral. We had our own room at a seafood restaurant that specialized in a variety of crab dishes and occasionally my eyes drifted to the box in the corner. After dinner, I carried the box out to the car. I can't tell you how worried I was that I'd drop it or that the paper handle on the bag it was in would break.

That's all. We put it on a little table where we'll be burning incense all the time and in a few weeks, all of us/some of us/I will be going to Kanazawa where the remains will stay at that side of the family's temple.

NOTE: I wanted to share this experience, because, in the West, as mourners, we don't handle the body. Sure, there are the times when a grieving spouse/child/parent will cling on to and hug the loved one, but rarely is it a group activity. I just wanted to be able to describe the above parts of a Japanese funeral in its context. After participating in the moving of the bones to the urn I decided that I had to know why this was done. Most sources just say its part of the Buddhist ceremony. I wanted to know why is it part of the ceremony? What is its significance? If I'm going to be handling the bones, I want to know why. Also, if I'm going to be telling this story, invariably, people will ask me, "Why?" And there will be a few, "That is completely wrong/disgusting/crazy/bizarre." I just wanted to present the whole rite in context and then with some background.

I finally found one source, online, that tried to explain a little of the human side:

Even though this part of the ceremony is emotionally difficult for some people, particularly children, and many Westerners might find it somewhat distasteful, Japanese consider it a significant part of the ritual of death. Yujiro Yamanaka calls it “an important stage of saying good-bye.
It touches on the whole social meaning of the funeral he said. From the dead person's viewpoint, this is the ceremony where they are taken care of, held by their family and close friends. And for the living, we really know he has turned to ashes and bones. If you do this with your chopsticks, it really forces you to feel what has happened to your beloved.
The association with death is the reason Japanese never pass food to each other directly from one set of chopsticks to another.

http://www.cremationassociation.org/html/article-japanese.html


I also sent out a few emails to Japanese friends (that have a good grasp on English) and one sent me:

It is said that there is a river called Sanzu no kawa between our world (living human world) and dead world (heaven/ hell). The dead have to cross this river and it is called Hashi watashi (crossing river).
When we pass the bones into the urn after the cremation, we make a pair and pass the bone with chopsticks made with bamboo and other tree (using different kind of chopsticks, they divided into our world and dead world). This is also called Hashi watashi (chopsticks crossing). So, the bereaved family does Hashi watashi and wish the dead person can cross the Sanzu no kawa safely.
Also it contains the meaning that the bereaved family could divide their sadness into pieces by doing it with other people and pray for the dead to go to the other world.

When we put the bone into urn, we put the foot bone first and head last because it helps the dead stand.

Did it help your understanding about Japanese funerals? I hope that you could understand my English. Everything has meaning and it comes from sincerity and respect others.

I don't know about you, but I feel better.